was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
