She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
my being single is dangerous.
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i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
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I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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