you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize