SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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