Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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