he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
