having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
