we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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