weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
