I'm jealous of your bromance
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
