I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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