I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
