Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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