I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
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I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize