Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
