did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
