You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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