Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
