On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
