Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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