is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
