dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so let's talk penis.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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