my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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