If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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