I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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