I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
