I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
