the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
