Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
