dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I need to stop coming to work sober
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
