why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
