white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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