Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
