My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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