Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
