I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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