Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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