i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
