im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
