I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
