Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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