Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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