There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Houston, we have a blender
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
