Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
