6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
