I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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