just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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