I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
