he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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