I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
