I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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