omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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