i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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