How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
