How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
