I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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