i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
