Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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