Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
