just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
