Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
