Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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