well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
